Growing Up In Small Town America Part 18

 Halloween 1960

Back then, Halloween was celebrated by children only. A large Halloween carnival was hosted by Hawkins elementary. I think it was only on the bottom floor, but different rooms offered activities and sold tickets for people to participate. These activities were things like a cake walk, dunking for apples, etc. Everyone, children that is, would turn out in costume.  They sold all kinds of food in the cafeteria. It was truly a hometown center of fun. My costumes were usually the store-bought variety of clowns or skeletons with the suffocating plastic mask that I could barely see out of. It evolved into making our own costumes which usually consisted of hobos and witches. When we left the carnival, Mother and Daddy would take me individually to go door to door in search of the trick-or-treat candy. They would follow along in the car. This wouldn’t last for long as it was usually getting late on a school night.  I remember pilfering through the candy and separating the things that I didn’t’ like and Daddy would usually finish it up.  

DNA Exposed

 As a genealogist, I have found my DNA to be most helpful. I also have access to other family members' DNA. It is astounding how much can be revealed about our heritage. I have cherished the ability to use this tool. Our searches as genealogists have improved greatly since the days of pounding the streets, combing the cornfields, accessing the glorious smell of old books in the libraries, etc. 

Recently the house next door sold, and I now have new neighbors. They are openly gay, and they are adorable. I love their zest and zeal for life! One of them has a child. This child is also adorable. It's been so fun getting to know them. I have often wondered how they are going to explain to this beautiful child who the parents REALLY are.

God gave us the ability as a man and a woman to propagate the world. Where that came from, only God knows. I just know that it is impossible to conceive without both sexes. It is such a beautiful miracle. Each parent, one as a female and one as a male, bring value and worth to a child. Children need BOTH (present in their life) as role models. We are going astray in thinking that a child doesn't need both. This for me is part of the problems that we are encountering with mental health. Personal identities are not formed in a well-rounded environment. It has created fear and anxiety in the search for who you really are. 

Below is an article from The Statesman. It, for me, reveals a heartbreaking situation, as I realize that our gene pools are going to be truly mixed up as sperm donor banks are being very negligent with this valuable life-giving tool. It's all about money with no thought as to the sanctity of life. What will eventually happen to these chromosomes in the future, as we continue to abuse something so fragile? We are missing the boat when we no longer give children the security of a home with a man and a woman. That was God's perfect plan. The relationship between a man and a woman raising a child in a healthy environment is the basic form of our God given life. 

I am glad that I will never have to trace my heritage amid this monstrous beast. It's truly against the core fabric of life. 

Connecting With Nature

My Connection with a Gray Fox

                                                                                                         Gray-Fox-1-scaled.jpeg (2000×1332)

I am a nature person, though I'm not a fanatic. I feel rejuvenated each and every day that I take a long morning walk to enjoy all the blessings that God places in my path. I like to feel that I have a rich sense of living in the 'real' world rather than the 'material' world.

The morning that I lost Daddy, I went out to pick up the morning paper in the dark. When I looked up, there was a meteor shower. The day I lost my brother I kept hearing the raspy screech of the red tail hawk. I will always associate that with my brother. The dove cooing reminds me of Mother. Before she passed, I called her every week, and she often sat in her backyard to visit with me on the phone. Her yard was filled with mourning doves, and they were always cooing in the background. This will be part of my memory of her. My husband's dad was always called Robin (his name was Robert) by his wife. The last time we saw him was just a few weeks before he passed. We purchased him a robin beanie baby, and the first time we ever visited his grave, a robin was perched on his headstone.

Recently, there have been challenges for me as my sister is slipping away from the bonds of reality. I was called in by friends to help and upon my return. I have pondered the situation and where I fit into the picture, as I was told a couple of years ago that I would have no say into the decisions made for her. So upon my return home, there has been a gray fox in my backyard consistently for 4 days.

Is this a sign for me? As I grope for answers, I researched the traits of a gray fox. https://allthingsfoxes.com/fox-symbolism

The Gray Fox Symbolizes:

                                                            https://allthingsfoxes.com/fox-symbolism/ 

cleverness, slyness, keenness, trickster (using your humor), wisdom & guidance, adaptability, humor

They are a sign that you need to look closer at something in your life, The Indians had totem animals. They served as guidance in times of need. If the fox chooses you, you will know it. While most fables show the fox as a villain, they were seen as a guide to wisdom, with advice and powerful messages. If they cross your path, there is both good and bad omens.

The Indians believed that if you were in an ill-conceived situation, a fox appearing to you symbolized there was trouble a foot, serving as a warning to adapt to your discoveries and see things with clarity before moving forward. Because a fox has large ears, one must listen to what is being said or tune into what's NOT said.

So What Does Fox Say?

 https://whatismyspiritanimal.com/spirit-totem-power-animal-meanings/mammals/fox-symbolism-meaning/

The fox is a diversified creature in folktales that seem to slip into problem solving situations using their keen mental faculties to navigate tricky situations. The fox is often depicted as a con artist, but Aesop’s stories portray the fox as a teacher who shows humans how to overcome the fear of the unknown. Even with Fox’s negative attributes, the symbolic meaning of his behaviors has a positive purpose. Fox can teach you about the art of concealment-something you can benefit from when you’re feeling overexposed. The creature shares lessons about observation and attuning to your environment.

It is a sign of decision and change. You must use wisdom to find peace with your actions. The gray fox specifically symbolizes neutrality. Maybe this fox implies that I am having difficulty separating fact from fiction or that the truth of a situation falls somewhere in the middle. It may be a sign that I should stay somewhere in the middle. The fox symbolizes agile thinkers who are not overly social but loyal beyond compare. They do not like confrontation.

Okay…this pretty much sums me up!

Moving forward I must rely on my deep intuition where I have always found answers. Yet for me, it takes time to resolve things in my mind. Mother always told me that good things come my way because I don’t initially overreact. I guess that is the part of being elusive and mysterious. I hang between what is real and what is my perspective. Am I right or am I wrong? Once I find clarity, I must be able to stand my ground. (which I find complicated) Much like the trickster fox, I can outwit these complicated emotions if I find my sense of harmony and balance.

Coincidence...or meaning? I think that nature reveals to us a direction, a path for understanding where we fit into this beautiful world that God created. He wants us to find strength and beauty in our daily lives. I believe that people find strength when they associate with something that reoccurs in nature after a deep sense of loss.

Autumn Season of Life

                                                 

1000+ images about Clip art - ClipArt Best - ClipArt Best

Autumn is a season of change. The days grow shorter; the cool breeze begins to blow; and the leaves change from green to vibrant red, yellow and orange. Not this year. Record heat is being recorded upwards to 101 degrees in mid-October. The trees are suffering, and their leaves are dying, turning brown on the tree and falling to the ground already curled and crispy. I pondered a large dead leaf, kicked it out of my path and thought to myself, "That's exactly how I feel this fall season. I mean nothing more to my sister's family than that dead leaf on the ground." 

My husband and I have built a beautiful fulfilling life together and it keeps me going. The only other family that I am close to is my sister's family. She has a small family: her husband and a daughter.

Leaving behind something important to me is my most difficult challenge.  Time and time again, I have tried desperately to be there for what is left of my family. And time and time again, I’m cut off short, and most likely criticized behind my back. Recently, I was once again called in to help. I was the only one that their friends felt they could contact in a dire situation. It’s so pitiful that it actually hurts. I like to think of myself as a decent person, so I keep placing myself in vulnerable situations and coming up short. I often think that I am done forcing myself into their toxic situation, hoping that I can make a change in a positive way. Yet what did I do?  I ran to their rescue. It's what one does in a time of need. I feel the tension towards me for trying to help. I do my best to make it right, to please, to be helpful…and always find myself on the side of not knowing the impact of what they are feeling.

It was only by chance that the family became aware of my brother-in law's dire situation. He had been admitted to the hospital and could have lost his life from internal bleeding. Why was I the one that was contacted? Why do I continue to feel a need to help when I can feel the toxicity towards me? My sister has alcohol/pain induced dementia. She cannot be left alone. Her daughter is self-absorbed in living her life. I have been ostracized for choosing not to drink, but it will always be the choice I make. It has torn apart so many families, including mine. I will have no part of that. Yet, I’m the one that is called.

My approach has been not to challenge them but rather find ways to encourage them while being truthful in the least painful way.  I try to choose my words probably too carefully which leaves me vulnerable to their criticism. My brother-in-law loses sight of what is most valuable in life, the giving of oneself with love and time. Not just throwing money at something.

Don't get me wrong. I was most appreciated. I was told over and over how much it was appreciated that I was there, yet I walk away with the sense of being cut off. They will never contact me, as the only contact ever made is done by me. Why is that? I’ve been pondering that question. And why do I take on the responsibility of caring?

In recent months, I’ve been telling my husband that I might as well be dead in their eyes. (He does not much like that. God bless him for loving me so very much that it is painful for him to hear that.)  Now once again, I had to navigate from outside of the bubble, finding resources, contacting their friends, speaking with said daughter. I've been told before that I'm not family and that I would not be part of any decisions they make for my sister. I'm fine with that, but I'm not okay with being challenged for any thoughts, ideas, or solutions that I can offer. And btw...my sister IS family. So... I left feeling drained of energy, more so from the feeling that they would rather me not be there, than from my constant vigil and the constant activities of caregiving and contacting others who were inquiring as to how they could help.

After kicking that dead leaf from my path upon my return home, I pondered the fact that it may be a symbol of myself. Reflecting deeply, I realized that dead leaves symbolize change and transition, marking the passage from one stage of life into another. It is reason to reflect on what lies ahead. We must learn to let go to make room for new growth, just as the leaves fall to the ground in autumn.  Then I pondered how the dead leaves actually provide nutrients that encourage new growth.

Some days I do better with this dying and renewing process. I would like to not have to go through the process of ‘dying’. I would rather join hands with the family and stay on the green side of life. It hasn’t been that way for me in years. The reality is that I must let go of things, situations, and even people, that no longer serve me in a positive way. I am blessed with being able to look at a natural process such as the dead fallen leaves of autumn and see how falling to the ground will nourish me to continue MY growth and transformation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HATE is a Powerful Word

rosenkohl.jpg (1920×1278) (publicdomainpictures.net)

It is cliche to say, "I hate eating vegetables."...Just as it is to say, "I LOVE those shoes you are wearing." Now...do you really LOVE those shoes. I heard a sermon on the levels/meanings of love. There are different forms of love. And I believe that there are also different levels of hate. Mother always told me that there is a fine line between love and hate. That is true as I have learned in my adult life.

But let's think about the word HATE. I have real difficulty using the word hate. I'm not sure how far or deep that goes. As I live the Chrisian life, I have always tried to be forgiving. So, I have difficulty using the word hate because it is thrown around like it is nothing. However, hate is much more than that. Hate is a crippling emotion that ultimately becomes a reason you have negativity in your own life. 

In his presentation on Golden Rule Relationships, Zig Ziglar recognizes the damages that are done when you hate another person or even just resent them. He speaks about the necessity of forgiveness which has a profound effect on your overall happiness. We need to evaluate our emotions of hatred, resentment and guilt. These three realities affect our lives, I believe, in ways that we may never understand. Christian principles teach us to love one another and have forgiving hearts. I often say that I forgive people, but I can't forget a wrong done to me. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me," But it doesn't mean that I can't have a relationship with that person. We have lost that ability in our modern world. We like to harbor hate and resentment too much...and this leads to feeling guilty.

Hating somebody brings more poison into your own life than anything else. Above all else, hate sucks the energy out of your life. What is most damaging is that it leads to guilt over what you may have said to someone or how you have made someone feel, etc. Guilt destroys productivity and is contradictory of the Golden Rule.

Focus on living a productive and happy life. Don't' spend your time or energy in HATING things. Don't let it rob you of being happy right where you are. Stay in the moment and count your blessings.

By The Way: I really DO NOT LIKE brussel sprouts :)

The Little Boy and the Old Man

 SHEL SILVERSTEIN 

Parental Guidance: The Little Boy and the Old Man

As a teacher of 30 years, it was important to me to teach the students an appreciation for poetry. Of course, we studied all the patterns of rhythm and rhyme (which was over their heads, I'm sure) because exposure to all aspects of poetry was important to me...and that they understand that poetry is really words in motion, a different way of writing. 

Shel Silverstein (1930-1999) was a huge success with kids because his poems were simplistic and direct filled with whimsical or humorous imagery. Students adored his poetry, so much so that for several years I introduced myself on the first day by using an imaginary world of being "One Inch Tall", a poem by Shel Silverstein. They were introduced to their journal books by writing imaginary images of what life would be like for them if they were only one inch tall. From there, we took off on the ability to write freely in journals and writing about things that could be drawn upon later in some of their formal writing. 

The other day I came upon the poem, "The Little Boy and the Old Man."  As an older person now, I was stunned at Shel's ability to focus so sincerely on the emotional connection between two individuals. His poignant words struck a chord about how our society loses sight that older people have such wisdom...that we, too, have lived a full life steeped in all the emotions, that we understand FAR greater than young people can fathom. Young people do not have the age nor wisdom of living life. Mother always said, "I haven't lived 150 years for nothing." I get it now!!! It's a delicate dance older people do in order to give advice in a way that will not alienate them from the youth.

Here is Shel's poem with such poignant wording. 

The Little Boy And The Old Man

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."

Said the old man, "I do that too."

The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."

"I do that too," laughed the little old man.

Said the little boy, "I often cry."

The old man nodded, "So do I."

"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems

Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

"I know what you mean," said the little old man.