Growing Up In Small Town America Part 19

 PREPARING FOR CHRISTMAS

                                                            My Beautiful Sister 1967

I have vivid memories of Christmas, more especially from the time that we moved into our home on Bismark Street. As a family we would go down to the Optimist Club Tree lot and pick out a Christmas tree. It was always cold weather. Daddy would place it in the tree stand, and then on the weekend, he would flock the tree. This was a process that caught on in the 60s. General Mills marketed Sno-Flok home kits, to be applied using a gun that attached to a vacuum cleaner. He would flock the tree white, I suppose to look like snow. We decorated it with LOTS of white lights and red balls. I thought the tree was magical as we displayed it in our front bay window. People would drive by to admire it. Later on, Daddy learned of a nursery in Wichita Falls that flocked trees, and we would drive over and select a tree from them. At that point, we began choosing green flocking and used yellow lights and gold balls. The trees became bigger and more elaborate as time passed. For a short time, we tried the aluminum tree with a revolving light illuminating it in different colors. Mother began decorating a smaller tree in the den with child-like decorations which I began to take over the older that I got. It is a tradition that I continue to this day. I am very fond of the old fashioned trees. Derek and I decorate our tree with our first year handmade dough ornaments, our yearly ornaments, Mother’s handmade stuffed ornaments, and the ornaments we collected on our travels through 23 countries.

1965 - below

1966 - below

1973 - below

The Novelty Tree that I took over when I got older. I was seeking approval from my best friend, Pal. Pal was my dog (who adopted me). He followed me everywhere and it was the first dog that Mother allowed inside. 

Know When To Go

 

Historic Election

 

This morning, I want to thank the Democrat Party for showing us where we need to be as a nation. To quote the Ohio senator-elect, it was not a red wave but a red, white, and blue wave. We are tired of politicians overlooking the needs of the average AMERICAN citizen.

 At 4 am, I tuned into NBC and found a calm desk of people talking (they were probably grieving as the media has become corrupt and no longer reports ALL the news correctly) about what needs to be done in this nation. A projected presidential winner had been made. They were reflecting on what the Democrats should learn from this election, mainly that they should not overlook the needs of certain classes, citing examples of the Latino community. I then turned to FOX and was offended by a black guy who ranted about the responses that he was hearing on other channels. He was upset that the networks were not focusing on the problems that Democrats are facing. That was the exact opposite of what I had just heard.

 We must stop this rhetoric! We must STOP and start listening to everyone without prejudice. We have become a "WOKE" society. This is because the left has shoved down our throats that it is normal to have transgender, even to the point of letting children change their sex, that blacks should have more privilege and should be paid reparations for past grievances, the rainbow coalition, the list goes on and on, shaming white America for all the ills of society and making them afraid to speak out. I left prejudice behind the year I started teaching, nearly 5 decades ago. There are needs and rights of the American people that have been stepped on. Not to mention that we no longer have a border; millions from across the world have flooded our borders, taking the monies normally spent on Americans to pay for housing, schooling, medications for those here illegally. We have totally crossed the line, choking the life out of the rightful citizens of our nation. The media should be ashamed of their coverage and their rhetoric. The nation-wide slant of the media of support for the Democrat Party is despicable.  But so is the rhetoric on ALL self-appointed networks. The proof is in the pudding. I heard it this morning with my own ears. The ideology of the extremes on either side is NOT what your average person in America believes. So journalist everywhere. Start reporting the unbiased NEWS backed up with a source as proof....PROVE IT! Instead of saying this is unverified and reporting it anyway. This fuels the fire.

 It is a RED WHITE AND BLUE nation. Listen to all of us; cover the news for all of us; bring all of us back together.

P.S. I will not compromise my values and belief system, though I have been lumped into the category of a Christian conservative. I'm not extreme, but these values define who I am. I have often felt that the prejudice is extreme towards me. I was shocked when I voted early on the second day of voting and was handed a "I Voted" sticker written in Spanish. I was told they had run out of English stickers...on the second day of voting??? Once again, it was forced upon me with a lack of sensitivity to who I am. I have accepted other nationalities into our family and loved them all the same. "Jesus loved the little children, red and yellow, black and white. They are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world."

Growing Up In Small Town America Part 18

 Halloween 1960

Back then, Halloween was celebrated by children only. A large Halloween carnival was hosted by Hawkins elementary. I think it was only on the bottom floor, but different rooms offered activities and sold tickets for people to participate. These activities were things like a cake walk, dunking for apples, etc. Everyone, children that is, would turn out in costume.  They sold all kinds of food in the cafeteria. It was truly a hometown center of fun. My costumes were usually the store-bought variety of clowns or skeletons with the suffocating plastic mask that I could barely see out of. It evolved into making our own costumes which usually consisted of hobos and witches. When we left the carnival, Mother and Daddy would take me individually to go door to door in search of the trick-or-treat candy. They would follow along in the car. This wouldn’t last for long as it was usually getting late on a school night.  I remember pilfering through the candy and separating the things that I didn’t’ like and Daddy would usually finish it up.  

DNA Exposed

 As a genealogist, I have found my DNA to be most helpful. I also have access to other family members' DNA. It is astounding how much can be revealed about our heritage. I have cherished the ability to use this tool. Our searches as genealogists have improved greatly since the days of pounding the streets, combing the cornfields, accessing the glorious smell of old books in the libraries, etc. 

Recently the house next door sold, and I now have new neighbors. They are openly gay, and they are adorable. I love their zest and zeal for life! One of them has a child. This child is also adorable. It's been so fun getting to know them. I have often wondered how they are going to explain to this beautiful child who the parents REALLY are.

God gave us the ability as a man and a woman to propagate the world. Where that came from, only God knows. I just know that it is impossible to conceive without both sexes. It is such a beautiful miracle. Each parent, one as a female and one as a male, bring value and worth to a child. Children need BOTH (present in their life) as role models. We are going astray in thinking that a child doesn't need both. This for me is part of the problems that we are encountering with mental health. Personal identities are not formed in a well-rounded environment. It has created fear and anxiety in the search for who you really are. 

Below is an article from The Statesman. It, for me, reveals a heartbreaking situation, as I realize that our gene pools are going to be truly mixed up as sperm donor banks are being very negligent with this valuable life-giving tool. It's all about money with no thought as to the sanctity of life. What will eventually happen to these chromosomes in the future, as we continue to abuse something so fragile? We are missing the boat when we no longer give children the security of a home with a man and a woman. That was God's perfect plan. The relationship between a man and a woman raising a child in a healthy environment is the basic form of our God given life. 

I am glad that I will never have to trace my heritage amid this monstrous beast. It's truly against the core fabric of life. 

Connecting With Nature

My Connection with a Gray Fox

                                                                                                         Gray-Fox-1-scaled.jpeg (2000×1332)

I am a nature person, though I'm not a fanatic. I feel rejuvenated each and every day that I take a long morning walk to enjoy all the blessings that God places in my path. I like to feel that I have a rich sense of living in the 'real' world rather than the 'material' world.

The morning that I lost Daddy, I went out to pick up the morning paper in the dark. When I looked up, there was a meteor shower. The day I lost my brother I kept hearing the raspy screech of the red tail hawk. I will always associate that with my brother. The dove cooing reminds me of Mother. Before she passed, I called her every week, and she often sat in her backyard to visit with me on the phone. Her yard was filled with mourning doves, and they were always cooing in the background. This will be part of my memory of her. My husband's dad was always called Robin (his name was Robert) by his wife. The last time we saw him was just a few weeks before he passed. We purchased him a robin beanie baby, and the first time we ever visited his grave, a robin was perched on his headstone.

Recently, there have been challenges for me as my sister is slipping away from the bonds of reality. I was called in by friends to help and upon my return. I have pondered the situation and where I fit into the picture, as I was told a couple of years ago that I would have no say into the decisions made for her. So upon my return home, there has been a gray fox in my backyard consistently for 4 days.

Is this a sign for me? As I grope for answers, I researched the traits of a gray fox. https://allthingsfoxes.com/fox-symbolism

The Gray Fox Symbolizes:

                                                            https://allthingsfoxes.com/fox-symbolism/ 

cleverness, slyness, keenness, trickster (using your humor), wisdom & guidance, adaptability, humor

They are a sign that you need to look closer at something in your life, The Indians had totem animals. They served as guidance in times of need. If the fox chooses you, you will know it. While most fables show the fox as a villain, they were seen as a guide to wisdom, with advice and powerful messages. If they cross your path, there is both good and bad omens.

The Indians believed that if you were in an ill-conceived situation, a fox appearing to you symbolized there was trouble a foot, serving as a warning to adapt to your discoveries and see things with clarity before moving forward. Because a fox has large ears, one must listen to what is being said or tune into what's NOT said.

So What Does Fox Say?

 https://whatismyspiritanimal.com/spirit-totem-power-animal-meanings/mammals/fox-symbolism-meaning/

The fox is a diversified creature in folktales that seem to slip into problem solving situations using their keen mental faculties to navigate tricky situations. The fox is often depicted as a con artist, but Aesop’s stories portray the fox as a teacher who shows humans how to overcome the fear of the unknown. Even with Fox’s negative attributes, the symbolic meaning of his behaviors has a positive purpose. Fox can teach you about the art of concealment-something you can benefit from when you’re feeling overexposed. The creature shares lessons about observation and attuning to your environment.

It is a sign of decision and change. You must use wisdom to find peace with your actions. The gray fox specifically symbolizes neutrality. Maybe this fox implies that I am having difficulty separating fact from fiction or that the truth of a situation falls somewhere in the middle. It may be a sign that I should stay somewhere in the middle. The fox symbolizes agile thinkers who are not overly social but loyal beyond compare. They do not like confrontation.

Okay…this pretty much sums me up!

Moving forward I must rely on my deep intuition where I have always found answers. Yet for me, it takes time to resolve things in my mind. Mother always told me that good things come my way because I don’t initially overreact. I guess that is the part of being elusive and mysterious. I hang between what is real and what is my perspective. Am I right or am I wrong? Once I find clarity, I must be able to stand my ground. (which I find complicated) Much like the trickster fox, I can outwit these complicated emotions if I find my sense of harmony and balance.

Coincidence...or meaning? I think that nature reveals to us a direction, a path for understanding where we fit into this beautiful world that God created. He wants us to find strength and beauty in our daily lives. I believe that people find strength when they associate with something that reoccurs in nature after a deep sense of loss.

Autumn Season of Life

                                                 

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Autumn is a season of change. The days grow shorter; the cool breeze begins to blow; and the leaves change from green to vibrant red, yellow and orange. Not this year. Record heat is being recorded upwards to 101 degrees in mid-October. The trees are suffering, and their leaves are dying, turning brown on the tree and falling to the ground already curled and crispy. I pondered a large dead leaf, kicked it out of my path and thought to myself, "That's exactly how I feel this fall season. I mean nothing more to my sister's family than that dead leaf on the ground." 

My husband and I have built a beautiful fulfilling life together and it keeps me going. The only other family that I am close to is my sister's family. She has a small family: her husband and a daughter.

Leaving behind something important to me is my most difficult challenge.  Time and time again, I have tried desperately to be there for what is left of my family. And time and time again, I’m cut off short, and most likely criticized behind my back. Recently, I was once again called in to help. I was the only one that their friends felt they could contact in a dire situation. It’s so pitiful that it actually hurts. I like to think of myself as a decent person, so I keep placing myself in vulnerable situations and coming up short. I often think that I am done forcing myself into their toxic situation, hoping that I can make a change in a positive way. Yet what did I do?  I ran to their rescue. It's what one does in a time of need. I feel the tension towards me for trying to help. I do my best to make it right, to please, to be helpful…and always find myself on the side of not knowing the impact of what they are feeling.

It was only by chance that the family became aware of my brother-in law's dire situation. He had been admitted to the hospital and could have lost his life from internal bleeding. Why was I the one that was contacted? Why do I continue to feel a need to help when I can feel the toxicity towards me? My sister has alcohol/pain induced dementia. She cannot be left alone. Her daughter is self-absorbed in living her life. I have been ostracized for choosing not to drink, but it will always be the choice I make. It has torn apart so many families, including mine. I will have no part of that. Yet, I’m the one that is called.

My approach has been not to challenge them but rather find ways to encourage them while being truthful in the least painful way.  I try to choose my words probably too carefully which leaves me vulnerable to their criticism. My brother-in-law loses sight of what is most valuable in life, the giving of oneself with love and time. Not just throwing money at something.

Don't get me wrong. I was most appreciated. I was told over and over how much it was appreciated that I was there, yet I walk away with the sense of being cut off. They will never contact me, as the only contact ever made is done by me. Why is that? I’ve been pondering that question. And why do I take on the responsibility of caring?

In recent months, I’ve been telling my husband that I might as well be dead in their eyes. (He does not much like that. God bless him for loving me so very much that it is painful for him to hear that.)  Now once again, I had to navigate from outside of the bubble, finding resources, contacting their friends, speaking with said daughter. I've been told before that I'm not family and that I would not be part of any decisions they make for my sister. I'm fine with that, but I'm not okay with being challenged for any thoughts, ideas, or solutions that I can offer. And btw...my sister IS family. So... I left feeling drained of energy, more so from the feeling that they would rather me not be there, than from my constant vigil and the constant activities of caregiving and contacting others who were inquiring as to how they could help.

After kicking that dead leaf from my path upon my return home, I pondered the fact that it may be a symbol of myself. Reflecting deeply, I realized that dead leaves symbolize change and transition, marking the passage from one stage of life into another. It is reason to reflect on what lies ahead. We must learn to let go to make room for new growth, just as the leaves fall to the ground in autumn.  Then I pondered how the dead leaves actually provide nutrients that encourage new growth.

Some days I do better with this dying and renewing process. I would like to not have to go through the process of ‘dying’. I would rather join hands with the family and stay on the green side of life. It hasn’t been that way for me in years. The reality is that I must let go of things, situations, and even people, that no longer serve me in a positive way. I am blessed with being able to look at a natural process such as the dead fallen leaves of autumn and see how falling to the ground will nourish me to continue MY growth and transformation.