Our New Reality

 

                Our lives are filled with teachable moments, even in old age. Looking back, I see there are different degrees of “happy” and “sad”. It’s all intermingled. I had a great life. It was filled with so many blessings; yet it was not all easy. We recently lost an old pup, Finn, and as Derek said…”There’s something to be said about an Old Dog”. They love us and fill our space with companionship. That is a completely different story…but it brings me to where I am in THIS moment.

                A companion dog has been part of my life since age 7. I’ve never been without one. Here I am at age 70, six decades later. And I lost my Old Faithful Companion. My heart and soul said…no way. This void should be filled. So, I purchased another yellow lab. I know!!!...a puppy!!! What was I thinking???

                Everything is all new and fresh and fun….and then the reality sets in. A puppy has so much energy, and she needs me to be the teacher. Yet I’ve slowed down much more than I had believed. It’s more energy than I probably have. I’ve never felt ‘old’. My mind has never gone there. I’ve envisioned us as still going strong, relying on my Derek for all my needs, and he, too, is growing old with me. It’s a beautiful thing, but reality is setting in.  I could tell by the way Derek’s god sister reacted…you know she will be a puppy for TWO years. Oh my… two years at our age, and some days I feel like I can barely survive until nightfall….and even then the pup still tries my patience, which I’ve grown short on.

                We took our first return trip to our lake place that I share with my sister this past week, and my heart was filled with emotions as I reflected on the ‘way it used to be’.  There are things imprinted in my mind; the vision, the memories. Besides all the wonderful reflections and memories of the days and years spent at the lake, I had a new vision playing out, a new reality.  Everywhere I looked, I saw it all. So many good times, through the ages, and yet my heart ached with all these visions playing out in my mind. I began analyzing why… and it all comes back to my age. I’ve never felt old…until now. My spirit has been young, my step has been light, but with a new pup came a new reality.

                This new reality now lives with new visions or with something that someone has said recently that has given me pause. These sentimental moments were also connected to the fact that I no longer have my sister as she was when we purchased the lake place together. Their lives are changed with alcoholism, dementia, and old age.  

                Our nephew Michael gave me hope the other day as he was pouring out his heart about his new endeavor of becoming a doctor. He said, oh no, you guys are doing great comparatively. He doesn’t see us as old.

Sue, an old high school friend of Derek, drove by and saw the pup and exclaimed, “Are y’all crazy?” Now I think maybe I am.

Two young ladies on the street we passed as we were teaching the pup how to pay attention to use (which has been a huge battle), watched us as they passed by…and said “Y’all are brave”. Well, I look around and I don’t’ see anyone else training a puppy on the street.  Yes, I guess we are brave.

Courtney, a precious young mom, who has 3 dogs and 3 kids, with their lives full of activity has tried to be friends with our pup. When she came over to help us with socialization, she could see how beat up our skin was from the milk teeth and she said, not to be rude, but your skin is thinner and more fragile; it tears easily. Then we had a spell of cold and ice and Courtney checked up on us. We are always told, check in with family and neighbors who are older…. now I suppose that is us. I love her for that, though.

And then, I go into Brookshires’ to get groceries on the way to the lake and upon looking at the receipt. I received a senior discount…. without asking. I’m grateful for that, but all these things bring forth…

                OUR NEW REALITY