Framing My World - 8

 Fair

I believe in fair-play. Though I was often reminded by Mother “there are no signs over the door that read ‘life is fair’” …I expect others to carry their weight. I have worked hard for what I have. I want others to do the same. I believe in helping people by being a good listener, caring for them emotionally and helping them to find direction. I’m not big on hand-outs, as I’ve never expected anyone to give me things, except Derek J and he gives me everything.

I believe in giving credit where credit is due. If I’m given credit for something that should be directed elsewhere, I go the extra mile to clarify our different roles in receiving that credit. “Credit where credit is due.”

Hard Worker

I’m a worker bee, don’t like the stress of being in charge, I trust my faith that God will lead me to follow the right people. I’m dependable, know my limitations, won’t commit if I don’t feel that I can get the job done. If I do commit, I persevere; follow through with my word of promise to get something done. Any job worth doing is worth doing well. If I give my word, I don’t renege. I do things to the best of my abilities, which means I perseverate because I don’t want to make a mistake, leaving no stone unturned. I’m a perfectionist; I take care of my belongings and they last me a long time; I like things done a certain way. “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Framing My World - 7

Realist

I think logically, like Mother. She often told me that I have a good head on my shoulders. It’s hard to tolerate people with no common sense. Mother said that people can see through me because I can’t hide my feelings and my face often reveals it all; therefore, I guess I’m predictable. Or maybe she just knew me too well. 

What you see is what you get. I’m down to earth. People know what they can expect from me. 

I try to keep things real. I’m not full of foo-foo and fluff.

Friendships/I Keep My Distance/Guarded

I’m observant and emotionally intuitive, naturally introverted, I’m selective about what people know about me (of course, I spill my guts out to Derek about everything). I value security, mainly in family and close friends. I put every effort into understanding their needs and incorporating that into my need for clarity. Without communication, though, that is difficult.

What you see is what you get, avoid being two faced. It’s hard to be around moody people.

Mother taught me if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

I will not push myself on others. I don’t like liars and can’t tolerate people who mess with my mind. I’m totally out of there for that. 

Framing My World - 6

 Communication

I’m comfortable in my skin, probably because Derek reinforces me and loves me for who I am.

I understand that once words are spoken, they can never be retracted.

I believe in the power of honesty. There are times where a ‘white lie’ is needed to protect someone’s feelings or integrity. For me, it’s not even a lie, but just not saying the whole story.

For me, communication is clarification, but I often find that others don’t communicate well.

Over time I forgive, being careful not to be the victim twice.

I do what I believe is right, using good judgment and common sense competence. I’ve never set out to intentionally hurt someone.

I’m guarded with my words. I hold things inside rather than speak out, most of the time feeling that it is not my place.

Framing My World - 5

 I Think Things Over

I don’t think fast on my feet, but I’m confident in my decision making process.

I absorb things, sometimes for quite a while, until eventually I have a clear vision of the situation. I can see where I’m to blame and where the blame is to be laid elsewhere. I don’t rush to conclusions, oftentimes analyzing my own actions, trying to see what I did to make things worse. Mother always said good things come my way because I don’t react quickly, yet I tend to worry.

I know I’m not always right. There’s more than one way to skin a cat.

I find it difficult to use my words to justify my thinking or defend my position, sometimes lack the confidence to proceed independently, many times leaving things unsaid which is my way of letting God take control.

Framing My World - 4

 I Follow Rules

I value tradition and laws and have a well-defined set of standards and beliefs.

I avoid confrontations, usually acquiescing to others.

I go along to get along and try to cooperate not stepping on other people’s toes.

I’m practical like my mother, stay within my boundaries and within my means.

I don’t like to make mistakes, do it right the first time.

When someone gives instructions, I do what they say, I try not to deviate. I’m a pleaser.

I don’t commit to something unless I can carry it out. If I commit, I’m dedicated.

I believe that God’s Laws are the ultimate rules.

Framing My World - 3

 Kind Hearted But Not a Push Over / Family Experiences

I’m good natured. I don’t blow up easily. I carry it on my shoulders until too much pushes me to consider myself done. Exception to that is family. I yield to family, hoping for stronger relationships now that I’m older. Family has always been important to me. I thought we were always close. Maybe I lived in a fairy tale. Without children, I enjoy being a part of their activities. I’m saddened now as adults how we have grown apart.

Though I may seem like a push-over because I don’t fight back, I have an inner strength from absorbing life’s lessons and taking them to heart. I was the baby of the family, making some think I was spoiled, I was more the product of a family that fell apart, living in a situation after my siblings left that only I witnessed. My parents became embroiled in alcohol and a troubled relationship. At that point in their lives, they chose not to battle me because I was an easy child, learning from other’s mistakes. I didn’t want to create more conflict. I used my experiences to grow wiser and stronger. I overcame a lot of hurt, trying not to inflict pain on others which is why I took the back seat. This gave me a good sense of reality, making me vigilant, watching things from a distance and seeing through disguises. A comfort in all of that was the fact that I was still surrounded by agape love. I never felt that I was the problem. I knew how much each parent loved me. It was never directed at me.

One thing that impacted my self-image was something that Daddy often said in his conversations with other people when I was present. Though he didn’t intend to be hurtful, over time it became that way for me. He was usually referencing someone’s ignorance.  He would say, “so and so (whoever it was) doesn’t know any more about that than… (look around, point at me) than Nancy does.” I shouldered it, wasn’t hurt, was fully aware that I was young with no knowledge of that situation…. but the older I got, the more I resented that statement.  It took me a long time to realize that this may be why I feel inferior to others, less deserving. But it may also be why I look out for my own interest.  I’m kindhearted, but not a push over.

Framing My World - 2

 Being A Teacher

I was passionate about teaching but being a perfectionist had its drawback in a classroom situation…but it had a plus side, as well. I sometimes told my students, “There’s one chief and many Indians in here.” I also know that you can please some of the people sometimes, but you can never please everyone all the time. I was a conservative teacher and class management was high on the list. I’m sure it was because of my own learning style.  I can’t function in chaos with lots of distractions, and providing that for my students was imperative for me.  Therefore, I was a friend for the parents who liked discipline and a foe to students who enjoyed chaos. There were days when I could handle situations with humor, but more often than not, I chose to not let my guard down, probably being perceived as biased and cold to my students, though in my heart I felt lots of compassion to do the right thing as their teacher.  I enjoyed teaching the whole child in the form of large projects that were multi-faceted in achieving skills. It was fun when we were not teaching to a test. The students in Eanes were very capable of learning skills this way. I started out in a low socio-economic neighborhood with difficult and challenging students, Pearce Middle School in North East Austin. A student stabbed a substitute in the hand in the cafeteria that year. That was enough for me.  Our move to Red Oak enlightened me as a teacher and was a good move for me. We had regular students from a small rural area near Dallas.  I gained experience and confidence, earning the award of “Teacher of the Year.” We moved back to Austin and settled into the Eanes district. I often told Derek that I would have never been able to stay in the teaching profession if I had not had students and parents who were much like myself and motivated to learn.